Thursday, March 15, 2012


Play. The most important word in the English language. Yes, more important than time, life, money, love, more important than the name of the language itself.

What is time worth if we do not play? We spend our years counting down the clock until the day our lives end, never fulfilling ourselves, just spending time doing what have you.

What is life without play? A dull, boring existance in which we never invest in ourselves and live our lives out entirely for the use of others. We never amount to anything, only serving our self-inflicted masters.

What good is money if we don't enjoy what we have? All the money in the world cannot buy happiness. You can spend your whole life collecting it, but it does no good in and of itself.

Love, without play, is not even love. It is merely a devotion, like a couple who remain together for their children, or to keep up appearances.  The relationship is dead and they are merely puppets.

Play is the very spark of life. The essence of being "alive."  But what is play? I am not merely referring to games of "make believe" that children particpate in. Nor am I referring to games. Play is very simply that...Play.

It has no goals. It seeks no end result. It is not concerned with such things as getting ahead or proving oneself as superior to another. It exists simply in and of itself. Play is doing something simply for the pleasure involved.

You play when you ride your bike just to enjoy the evening breeze.  You play when you take apart a machine just to see what is inside. You play when you swim because you find swimming fun.  You play when you laugh because it feels good.

What is it you enjoy doing? Not something you love being the best at, or something you're wanting to improve doing.  What is it you just love being involved in? Get out there and play.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Life in Every Breath

I survived. The unimaginable pain, the continous vomiting and constant unconsciousness, the total agony, all of it etched into my memory.

It tought me  things. Taught me the worth of every moment I draw breath. Taught me just how quickly this life could fade. It would have been easy. Easy as breathing. All I had to do was let go and my life would be forefit. Rather than surrender, my will became tempered. Knowing how easily I could give up made me fight even harder to continue. Just a little more. Just a little further. I can do this. I can survive. No. No, I WILL survive. I have to. I need to. It echoed in my mind, "Press on. No surrender. Continue. Move forward. Hold your ground."

A part of me died in that bed. The part that was only taking up space. The part that let things just pass by. The part that didn't care. The part that wasn't strong enough. I am reborn, determined to improve what I have, what I am. To rise above any who stand in my way. This life is precious to me, now more than ever. Each moment, each second. It isn't a gift from anyone else. It's something I already have, and something that I must fight for. 

The fire that has tempered my will stronger than any steel still burns within me. It is high time I spread that fire, and burn as bright as can be. It is time I truly live.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Love Awakens

I thought I had it figured out. I thought I was living in the moment, life in every breath. I believed attention was paid to detail. And then, of course,  I was proven wrong.

My fiancee has surprised me again and again, but no more. She has paid far more attention to me than I have myself. Almost two months after my chemotherapy was over, my hair began growing back. She's begun to notice even that it's longer today than it was the night before. She can smell even the slightest change to the scent on my first breath while I hold her.

I've meditated, I've focused, I've paid attention, and I still wasn't at this level, with anyone else, or even myself. How is it that she is so absorbant of her surroundings? It baffled me.

Love. She genuinely loves me. So much so that nothing else exists but this moment. The past is enveloped by the now. And the future can't even hold a candle to what she's feeling in this very moment. No thoughts, no ideas, no memories, just NOW.

It is a beautiful thing, learning this lesson from her. Not only do I realize that no matter how far I go in life, there will always be something I can learn, but that day after day, she can still surprise me. It is a gift, walking through this life hand in hand. When either of us falls, the other is there to pick them right back up, dust them off, and continue walking.

No matter how much money I may make in this world, I will never be richer than I am today. If I ever need to bolster my courage, I just have to look into those dazzling eyes and know that through it all, she has my back. Should the world turn on us, I would hate to be the world.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Freedom Fighters

The Internet, the last frontier of true freedom, needs our help.

SOPA has been shelved, but it can easily be revisited. The fight is not yet won. Not only do we have to watch over our shoulders for that dagger, but its twin, PIPA also threatens to remove our freedom online. Many of our beloved websites are under attack should this bill be allowed to survive. The very existence of websites such as Wikipedia may be extinguished. This bill would allow the government to control what is placed online, how it is worded, and in what way it is posted. The free flowing of knowledge that is Wikipedia would no longer be allowed to live in the name of "a better society."

Many are taking a stand against this tyranny, people are calling their Senators, signing petitions, and joining in a blackout of the internet on January 18th. Even big-name websites such as Wikipedia and Reddit (both would be majorly effected should this bill be passed) are going offline during this time. Many others are producing banners to support the anti-PIPA actions.

While others sit idly by and think nothing of what the government does to their freedoms, what will you do?

Words of Wisdom

This is a guest post by my lovely fiancĂ©e, Lauren Cockrum, who wanted to share her thoughts while I was attempting to write a serious blog about something that has been weighing on my mind for some time now. May it enlighten you as much as it has me.

titties   the end

Monday, December 5, 2011

My Manifesto

I have to do this. It's time I draw the line in the sand. There is no turning back. I've come too far to give up now. I have dreams, a life to live.

Who else can love Lauren better than I? Who else can open the Atlas Arcade? Who can be a greater friend to those I care for? Who can be a better father to the children in my future? No, if I'm to live these dreams, I can't let even this set me back. No matter the cost, no matter the pain, I will survive. I will come out on top. Bring your best and I'll destroy them all. There's fire in my blood and I'm ready for the fight. I have too much to live for to let you stop me here.

I call out to you, those tired of the monotony life has given you, those wanting to be freed from the chains of mediocrity. Get behind me and I'll carve us a path! To freedom! To the future! To our dreams! To tomorrow!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Think, Man! Think!

It’s my first full day in St. Louis. I have begun the last leg of my treatment. Today, they did a few tests, and gave me a sample of the drug I am in a trial for. It is supposed to accelerate the building of my stem cells which will aid in the collection later this week.

I’m exhausted, and still carry that knot in my stomach that I know won’t be cured by any medicine and will remain with me until I return home. I can’t sleep more than half an hour at a time since my bed is missing something vital.

However, something caught my attention today while I was at the hospital. My lack of patience for people who substitute a smile for knowledge. Just because you have that fake grin on your face, does not excuse you for not performing your job or being knowledgable about the information concerning your profession. Don’t be shocked when I don’t wave off my complaint or inquiry just because you don’t want to find out. I wasn’t asking to invoke a conversation. I have a quandary that needs a response. If you don’t know, find someone who does and bring them here. Don’t just stand there grinning dumbly.

On that same note, giving a person what they want is far different from giving them what you or the company thinks they want. When you ask me if I want a blanket, and I say no, why in the name of all that is good, do you cover me with a blanket? Not only did I not ask for it, I specifically stated I did not wish to have one. You then attempt to access my port because you “think patients prefer it to getting pricked in the arm.” “Patients?” Are we all the same now? I just finished telling you I don’t want you touching that. Leave it alone. Use my arm. Yes, I am fully aware it means I get a needle in my arm. That is what getting a needle in your arm means.

Use your head, take each individual into account, don’t just go through the motions and expect everyone to want whatever attention you’re giving them. What exactly do you take me for?

This entry can be summed up quite simply in the phrase, “Think, man! Think!”