Play

Play. The most important word in the English language. Yes, more important than time, life, money, love, more important than the name of the language itself.

What is time worth if we do not play? We spend our years counting down the clock until the day our lives end, never fulfilling ourselves, just spending time doing what have you.

What is life without play? A dull, boring existance in which we never invest in ourselves and live our lives out entirely for the use of others. We never amount to anything, only serving our self-inflicted masters.

What good is money if we don't enjoy what we have? All the money in the world cannot buy happiness. You can spend your whole life collecting it, but it does no good in and of itself.

Love, without play, is not even love. It is merely a devotion, like a couple who remain together for their children, or to keep up appearances.  The relationship is dead and they are merely puppets.

Play is the very spark of life. The essence of being "alive."  But what is play? I am not merely referring to games of "make believe" that children particpate in. Nor am I referring to games. Play is very simply that...Play.

It has no goals. It seeks no end result. It is not concerned with such things as getting ahead or proving oneself as superior to another. It exists simply in and of itself. Play is doing something simply for the pleasure involved.

You play when you ride your bike just to enjoy the evening breeze.  You play when you take apart a machine just to see what is inside. You play when you swim because you find swimming fun.  You play when you laugh because it feels good.

What is it you enjoy doing? Not something you love being the best at, or something you're wanting to improve doing.  What is it you just love being involved in? Get out there and play.

Life in Every Breath

I survived. The unimaginable pain, the continous vomiting and constant unconsciousness, the total agony, all of it etched into my memory.

It tought me  things. Taught me the worth of every moment I draw breath. Taught me just how quickly this life could fade. It would have been easy. Easy as breathing. All I had to do was let go and my life would be forefit. Rather than surrender, my will became tempered. Knowing how easily I could give up made me fight even harder to continue. Just a little more. Just a little further. I can do this. I can survive. No. No, I WILL survive. I have to. I need to. It echoed in my mind, "Press on. No surrender. Continue. Move forward. Hold your ground."

A part of me died in that bed. The part that was only taking up space. The part that let things just pass by. The part that didn't care. The part that wasn't strong enough. I am reborn, determined to improve what I have, what I am. To rise above any who stand in my way. This life is precious to me, now more than ever. Each moment, each second. It isn't a gift from anyone else. It's something I already have, and something that I must fight for. 

The fire that has tempered my will stronger than any steel still burns within me. It is high time I spread that fire, and burn as bright as can be. It is time I truly live.

My Manifesto

I have to do this. It's time I draw the line in the sand. There is no turning back. I've come too far to give up now. I have dreams, a life to live.

Who else can love Lauren better than I? Who else can open the Atlas Arcade? Who can be a greater friend to those I care for? Who can be a better father to the children in my future? No, if I'm to live these dreams, I can't let even this set me back. No matter the cost, no matter the pain, I will survive. I will come out on top. Bring your best and I'll destroy them all. There's fire in my blood and I'm ready for the fight. I have too much to live for to let you stop me here.

I call out to you, those tired of the monotony life has given you, those wanting to be freed from the chains of mediocrity. Get behind me and I'll carve us a path! To freedom! To the future! To our dreams! To tomorrow!

Life Worth Living

We meet a multitude of people during the span of our lifetime. Most of these people whose paths we cross are simply strangers we share a passing glance with, or even just happen to exist in our peripheral vision. Someone who wanders within sight that will soon vanish just as quickly as they came.

There are people we share moments, maybe even quite a few moments of our life with. They remain active in our minds and in our lives for a long time. We share memories, we laugh together, cry together, we look forward to spending time together.

And then there is that person that your life just seems to bend around. You just find yourself inexplicably drawn to them, and they to you.

They change you for the better. Not that changing you is their intent, but just being around them makes you want to improve. They can see right through you, and can reveal to you your core strengths, even ones you didn’t know you had. They lift you up when you’ve fallen, and allow you to lean on them to prevent your ever falling again.

Life had meaning before, but you’ve removed my blinders, allowed me to see so much more than I could have ever seen. I feel like I can take on anything, as long as I get to come home to that smile.

I have found my greatest treasure, and it’s you.

This Too Shall Pass

It has been far too long since I’ve blogged. And I know exactly why. I’ve been wanting to invent some grand account with my new struggle concerning chemotherapy. I’ve been wanting to log every detail. I’ve been wanting. I just, haven’t been doing.

The treatment I wanted to write about drained me so much that during the time I was feeling it, I was too weakened to write about it. And once I was out of it, during recovery, I wanted nothing to do with it. I was trapped by my own condition. And so my blog sat here, waiting for me.

Until I came to realize a great truth. Something I’ve heard time and again, but never quite listened to. “This too shall pass.” It’s a beautifully zen saying. No matter what hardships we may face, they’ll pass. No matter what great event is occurring in our lives, it’ll pass. Our ups and downs, our proudest and our weakest moments, all will pass in time. They’re important moments in our lives, but that is all they are. Moments.

While I was suffering the effects of treatment, I felt locked inside my own personal hell. I couldn’t even remember time before the agony, nor could I imagine a time after. I was lost in that moment. And that’s when it hit me. That moment. It’s all that matters, right now. Live in that singular moment. Savor every taste, breathe in every breath of air. There is no future, there is no past. There is only now.

And that is exactly what I intend to write about. The now. Pure and simple.

Of Stones and Journeys

We are each the sculptor and the stone. The purpose of our lives is to find the beauty that is within. Inside each of us is perfection. Somewhere, under this stone slab we start out as, is a wondrous statue.

I’ve spent plenty of time working away at it, knowing the truth that it isn’t necessary to add anything to the statue. We aren’t really creating it. We are simply freeing it from the stone prison surrounding it.

As it turns out, I’m not without my mistakes. I had taken my life-altering experience as a chance to re-create myself, in whatever image I saw was the best. So I tried. I wanted to become this great image I had in mind for me. I started to get upset. I wasn’t there yet. Why wasn’t I? What was I doing wrong? Why weren’t people seeing this image I wanted them to see?

It’s true, most of it was identical to who I am. It was maybe two degrees off in a different direction in the beginning. But travel long enough, and those two degrees could mean the difference between London and Timbuktu. I had fallen victim to the very rules I ran my life by. “Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self.” I had blinded myself to reason to try to add more onto a stone that I should have been chipping away at.

Cut the unnecessary. That is the stone-worker’s job, his passion. That should be ours. We don’t need to turn ourselves into something else, we don’t need to add more responsibilities so we look better, we don’t need to buy all these new things just because they’re out there. Remove what isn’t needed. Shave off another layer.

My life-altering event wasn’t an excuse to glue everything back on to the statue. It was an upheaval. A great many pieces broke off, revealing much of what was underneath. I’ve come to realize that what I need to do is to use what IS, and form around that. There, reason lies. There, truth lies. There, life lies. There, I lie.

Life is your journey, and yours alone. Walk it like it’s the only one you have. Because it is.

Dancing With Death - An Introduction

“All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts;”

~ William Shakespeare

Life has been compared to many things, to a dance, to a boat, even to a box of chocolates. But this comparison plays a tune that I just can’t get out of my head. It’s a grand illusion that life is something we can control, manipulate, and be safe from 100% of the time. It’s foolish to try.

Life is.

It is only after the realization settles in that death isn’t merely the end of life, but an integral part of it, an equal and opposite force, that your eyes can really see all the beauty that exists. This is the moment when life truly begins.

I’ve studied Bushido and read over and over “keep death in mind daily,” understanding the words, but I never realized until much later, just how much deeper those five words go. It isn’t simply an awareness that one isn’t immortal, and death may take you at any time. Even that mentality pushes important things to a later time, thinking that the end will come, but not for a time.

Being touched by death, and still remain living, pulls the curtain surrounding everything in life. Entire mindsets are reconfigured as the realization sets in.

We are born and we die. Everything else is up to us. We can’t choose what happens to us, but we can choose how it affects us, and what we’re going to do about it.

You can let people tell you how to live your life, or you can make a stand and rule your own existence. You can wish for your problems to go away, or you can work to overcome any obstacle.

Or, as was my greatest decision, you can choose to let your cancer destroy this one life you’re given, or you can fight.

This is my story.

Shrug out of Your Chains

It's shocking, somewhat funny, and extremely sad how some people's beliefs can be so screwed up.

I've been looking for ideas on what to blog about, (while doing a little reading, gaming, and celebrating my birthday), and today there was a moment that felt like a giant slap in the face.

I can't fathom how another person could believe they have a right to my life, or any part of it. What's mine is mine. What I've earned, I've earned. I'm not so sure it was how I was raised, but it's always been a core tenet of my belief. I've never demanded something of someone simply for my own benefit. But nor will I bow to another who demands it of me.

The very idea that I, being superior to you in some way, shape or form, automatically makes me inferior...I can't understand it. Yet I see it everyday. You need my strength to carry or lift something. I, whose life has given me these muscles, who has exercised and taken care of this body to bring it to the shape it is in now. You need me to accomplish something, yet you come in here demanding I do what you want when you want it, and for absolutely nothing at all. I gain nothing, but must give you my strength? By seeking me to do the job for you, you admit I'm superior to you in this area, yet you throw demands at me like I have to listen to you?

And not only that, but my mind too. My life of reading, searching for answers, researching, thinking, philosophizing, has made me more intelligent than most people. You're aware of this, and you insist I fix your problem for you. Just who do you think you are, shouting orders?

Since when did the weak carry the chains holding collars that bind the  strong? Since when did the fools control the wise?

On the same note, what sense does it make even 'asking' for my aid, when you're infuriated that I declined? If it is a request, a question, then there must be more than one choice. To have only one option, it becomes an order. And as previously stated, you do not order me.

I never liked the idea in elementary school, that everyone has to say "please" whenever they want something, like it's some magic word. They even call it the magic word. I must give up that which I've strived for, that which I've earned, or simply that which I have in my hand, because you said 'please'? But wait, when I do the same, you refuse, and that's okay? I think not. There is no reason in this, it is slavery.

Sure, children should learn manners, to not simply take whatever they can get their hands on. But this "please" business is just a subversion of the very thing you try to avoid. It even holds on into adulthood. You are shocked that your magic word has no effect on me? That I refuse to bow to someone just because they demand it, or hide their demands under a sheathe of courtesy? That I believe a man should be rewarded for helping another, rather than be bonded in slavery?

Wake up. Shrug out of your chains. Live.

Where There's a Will...

It's kind of funny how people are so quick to fall in line, even (or especially) when it's something they don't believe in, something they feel is wrong. They may whisper their dissent among the shadows. They may dream of the golden days long past, or the heaven that they imagine is to come far off into the future. They may have grand dreams of vanquishing the foes that stand before them.

But how many will actually do it? How many are truly willing to stand up, to plant their feet on the ground, to draw a line and yell "this far and no further!"? Very few, it seems. It's easy to find people suffering in silence, because they think it is their duty to bear the weight of the world. They think that because someone asked it of them, that just because they have the ability, that gift they possess is their curse that binds them to serving those who cannot, or will not perform. They suffer, and never speak up, never utter a word. Why?

I was not made for this. I didn't spend my life, didn't survive the ordeals I've overcome, just to be pushed around by someone who thinks they own me. And what makes me so special? Yes, I've been through more than most will ever come to understand. But each person is unique, each individual survives situations that could have claimed them. Each one entitled to their life. Yet they willingly shackle themselves, think that another is their better.

Maybe it's because it's easier that way. What purpose is there in putting in the effort to think for one's self when someone else can do it. I'll admit, it's hard work, having to come up with original ideas, not allowing someone else to pull my weight, having to command myself and man up to the consequences of my actions. But the sweet reward of the free, rational mind, and the reward for my actions, is worth every drop of sweat. And there's not a man on earth who can lay claim to what I have rightfully earned.

But what does it take to stand up, above the masses, to believe in yourself, love yourself, and enjoy life? It's the same as anything else in this life. It all boils down to the simplest of equations. All it takes is a thought. A very simple, tiny moment where an idea is born. And to add the fire of will. A thought, and the will to make that dream come true.

You are free to sever the chains of fate that bind you.